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The Oak Lawn Tales – The Dangers Of Trading Up

This is the tale of two men, Jon and Joe, and the dangers of trading up.

I met Jon chatting online one night on gay.com. He was an analyst for a major retail corporation who was recently out of college, a snappy dresser, and worked far too many hours, but we had found time to go out once or twice. Around this time I started talking online with Joe. Joe was originally from Savannah, Georgia, and missed his home. He worked as a teacher at an inner city school in Fort Worth.

I hadn’t met Joe yet, but we had wonderful conversations online. I had gone out with Jon, but I didn’t know how I felt about him. For starters, while he wasn’t flaming, he was quite a bit more gay than I was. He frequently used Madonna and disco references in casual conversation which I never got. He was cute, though not Lajos cute, which is quite unfair because Lajos was off-scale pretty. From my perspective, I was dating Jon, but I wanted to date Joe, but I wasn’t going to be someone who would date two guys at the same time, so I broke it off with Jon.

This is a comment from present tense me: stupid, stupid, stupid. Let’s review all the mistakes I made here, shall we?

First of all, if you’re going to break it off to get involved else, take the time to actually meet the second person. From our first meeting, it was obvious that Joe and I had absolutely no interest in each other. We remained friends for a long time, and we became each other’s wingman at clubs, but we didn’t want to date each other.

Second, I was holding Jon up to a golden gay standard that up to that point I had never met, and in reality didn’t exist. Who was I looking for back then? If you let your brain between your legs make all your decisions, you’re just going to end up hurt most of your life. Hungarian computer programmer/fitness instructors do come by, but you can’t think that is the only person for you, especially when you can’t talk to them without your heart racing.

My biggest mistake here was failing to recognize how special Jon was. Jon was the rarest breed of gay in that he was not crazy. He lacked issues to an almost impossible degree. Jon may have been the most dateable guy I ever met my entire time in Dallas, and he was a gentleman to boot. He didn’t pressure me physically, which is amazing for anyone who is under 25.

So I threw away the guy who was nothing but nice to me for someone who I wasn’t interested in. The worst part is that I can’t say that the other guy was crazy, because in this story, I was the guy with issues and hang-ups.

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